The Energy Vampire Personality Type

I have been writing a personality column for Natural Health, where each month I provide some insight into different personalities. Here is some insight into The Energy Vampire. Does this sound like anyone you know? 

Meet the Energy Vampire, the person who feeds off other people’s energy because they are incapable of creating and sustaining their own. These people are experts in drawing you into their habitual dramas, negativity, hostile rages, complaints, and sad stories. Once this happens, they can leave you feeling drained, tired, exhausted, confused, and on edge for days.  Although the Energy Vampire comes in different disguises, here are some of their key identifying traits:


  • They make you feel overwhelmed, defensive, exhausted or even depressed.

  • They have strong narcissistic tendencies and a constant hunger for admiration and attention.

  • Those who feel victimised by the world will appeal for you to help protect them against real or imagined attacks from others.

  • They habitually find fault and criticise others to help them feel superior and in control.

  • Mood changes can be rapid and bewildering to others – one moment they may heap praise on you, and the next rage against you.

  • They are incapable of dealing with challenges constructively, instead wallowing in self-pity.




When working or living with Energy Vampires, keep the following in mind:


  • These people are good at spotting and latching onto those who are emotionally vulnerable; their well-intentioned support can quickly turn into a trap to control your emotional state to their liking.

  • They may constantly seek advice and guidance from you, making you feel important to their well-being; however, they have no intention of acting on your suggestions.

  • Since their actions and attitudes are predominantly unconsciously motivated, you may not immediately observe their negative impact on you. It isn’t until you start feeling drained or having depressive spells that you realise what is happening.




Like all troublesome personalities, there are seeds of positivity in Energy Vampires; these are few and far between, however:


  • Their emotionality makes them insightful people to have a conversation with.

  • Many will go out of their way to help you take care of practicalities, such as collecting your children from school when you are unable to. However, do limit yourself in asking for such favours because you can easily become more indebted to them.


How Do I Deal with an Energy Vampire?


If you are prone to emotional upsets in your personal life, then it is advised that you do make a conscious effort to have minimal contact with this personality type. Otherwise, work on improving your own self-confidence so that you can be more assertive when dealing with such people. Remind yourself that these people detest life in general, and most of their discontent isn’t directed at you personally. Understanding this will make you less reactive in their presence and, eventually, the ones who have no intention of working on their issues will drift away. Another technique is to offer your assistance before they ask for it; your generosity is likely to catch them off-guard and make them less defensive.



Am I an Energy Vampire?


You might be an Energy Vampire if you consistently do any of the following:


  • Turn positive situations into negative ones.

  • Prefer to focus on what might go wrong in any situation.

  • Wake up and go to bed mired in negativity.

  • Regard life as some kind of obligation, rather than an adventure.

  • Mistrust helpful and positive people, thinking they have self-centered motives.

  • Have the unshakeable belief that your life is one big failure.

  • Take no steps to deal with your personal issues, but instead complain and drown in self-pity and resentment.


How can I stop being an Energy Vampire?


Learning to become increasingly aware of your negativity is a good start towards losing your ‘energy vampire’ tendencies.  Learn to observe your thoughts and feelings, and take notice of these without resisting or fighting them. Although this might be difficult to do at first since so much of our actions and mental states are unconsciously driven, over time you will become less inclined to act them out compulsively. Gradually you will learn that you do have a choice in how to respond to your own inner compulsions and negativity. In turn, you will start to catch yourself looking for the worst in a situation or a person; once you are aware that you are doing this, you are in control to redirect your thinking.  Also observe the reactions of others, who might looked tired in your company or even start to avoid you. Ask for feedback about your actions and attitude, and learn to listen without judgment, criticism or self-blame. All inner transformation starts with awareness and acceptance of what we discover about ourselves, and some of these discoveries are likely to be unpleasant. You cannot get rid of what drives you to act, think or feel in particular ways, but you can learn to observe and manage your motives and actions; in other words, start taking control – it will improve your well-being as well as enhance your realtionships.



Categories: Psychology

Tags: , ,

17 replies

  1. im scard i always thoutht this was a gift from god! but im a vampier what!

  2. People say I am a vampire. I kinda knew I was since I was a child because if I felt negative or positive it easily influenced people. Therefore, I always try to stay in a neutral zone in feelings. Now that I am older and my emotions are more difficult to deal with, I don’t know what to do. I don’t like putting people in this situation. The worst part is that I can put myself in a emotional roller coaster on its own.

  3. hey, there’s this girl i was close with for a few months, but after that we kind of parted ways.
    since then, i’ve been feeling deplete and depressed and i searched for other ways to find the feeling of that closeness again. after some time of depression, i managed to get myself together again.
    but after a year or so (about a year after we were close), i got the same feeling of desire again. i talked to her via the internet and

  4. This is totally me…My difficult childhood, interactions, and mental illness has come together to form the miserable person that is me. Not sure how to stop being a vampire, or how my future is going to look like. I feel a bit hopeless….

  5. What therapies are best for someone that suspects they might be an emotional vampire?

  6. I found the ‘Backstabber Personality’ a notch more informative. Thanks for both articles.

  7. I feel completely and utterly hopeless. The guy I’ve sort of been with for the past 7 years (who I support) says that I drain him and I am so scared of his disapproval that I will lie or tell partial truths to try to avoid it. He can be verbally abusive and can rant for hours every day about mistakes I have made and how much I have hurt him and how much time he has wasted with me and what a horrible person I am. I have been trying really hard not to lie, but this morning I told a partial truth because I was embarrassed and worn out with being told what a bad parent I am and having the litany of all my mistakes laid out day after day (for years). I am mad at myself and as soon as he mentioned it I agreed that I had lied and I hadn’t even considered it a lie. I explained that I was embarrassed but it was more than that…I just couldn’t deal with his disapproval before work. I have a very stressful job that is on the wire and every day that I get yelled at (at home) it makes my job performance worse. I don’t know what to do. Any thoughts would be welcome.

    • Sounds like you are/were being emotionally abused. Look up gaslighting. Your post was over a year ago, hopefully you’ve been able to exit this relationship. If not, look up gaslighting, emotional abuse, local domestic violence reaources, and you can get out. Blessings on your journey to health for you and your kids.

  8. Thanks, not not out of it yet but really trying.

  9. This is totally me! I know I’m this way…but when I think these negative thoughts, I believe that they are helping me. If I try to control or stop, it almost makes it worse. I seem to be spiraling out of control. My husband is in total control of his emotional well being and I think that drives me more insane. I am a great rule follower. If someone would just give me a guide, but I think my mind almost needs rewiring. I don’t feel in control of my mind. Am i making sense?

    • I was raised in a strict IFB cult-like home. My parents were good parents, but when i talk about how I was raised, people and my husband say it sounds more like a cult. Growing up, my parents, the church, etc. made you believe that everything they were doing was protecting you from the “world”. I was home schooled to protect me from bad influences. I really wasn’t allowed to play with neighbor kids for fear of leading down a wrong path. I really think this kind of thinking is coming back to haunt me.

  10. Vampire looking for other vampires to talk about how we are vampires and to find a way to be a good vampire/ stop being a vampire.

    Get in touch.

  11. Emotional vampire people prey on those with codependecy. The only positive outcome may be the co dependent finds out they are a codependent from good mental health psychogists and psychiatric social workers. Beware good hearted co dependents who love Jesus Christ! Helping emotional vampires will suck your soul out of your consciousness. You will lose, they will gain.


  1. Christmas Bliss – Heather Nadine Lenz

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