The Ice Queen Personality

The Ice Queen Personality

I have been writing a personality column for Natural Health, where each month I provide some insight into different personalities. Here is some insight into The Ice Queen Personality. Does this sound like anyone you know?

Ice_Queen_for_Talisman_by_feliciacano

Conventionally, Ice Queens are physically attractive women with off-putting personalities and repulsive attitudes. They are very narcissistic and have little regard for another’s interests and feelings; they show little or no empathy. Ice Queens exude an air of determination and steely anger beneath the surface, causing others to tread lightly when they are around. From her point of view, you have to be really special before she allows you, often temporary, emotional access. Deep down, however, she is lonely, fearful and compensates with an inflated icy exterior due to an extreme sense of vulnerability.

Ice Queens come in different types. Some are known as ‘Iron Ladies,’ and are usually in high political office where they make a point of showing they are tougher than the rest and are not to be messed with; think Margaret Thatcher. At other times they can be seen as ‘The Baroness’ – ruthless, cold, and demanding. Some other identifying traits include:

 

  • They cannot, or do not, want to empathise with another person’s experience, point of view, or concerns, no matter how desperate that person is.

  • They come across as disrespectful, cold, unfeeling, and contemptuous of other people.

  • They are chiefly concerned with their preoccupations; their needs and thoughts matter above everything else.

 

Negatives

If the Ice Queen doesn’t already sound bad enough, here are some more negatives associated with this personality type:

  • Nobody likes working or being with people who walk around with an attitude of ‘I’m-better/more important/more attractive/more wanted/more special’ than you.

  • The superficial smiles of Ice Queens don’t fool those who work with her, which can make working conditions uncomfortable.

  • Unresponsive, disinterested, and detached people don’t make for good company, so only those desperate for conversation or help approach the Ice Queen.

  • The narcissism of Ice Queens provokes anger rather than cooperation and friendliness among coworkers, so she’s either ignored or avoided.

  • Even when Ice Queens thaw momentarily and appear friendly, people feel the need to remain on guard, fearing they will get sucked into a narcissistic trap.

 

Positives

Don’t worry – there are also some positives to the Ice Queen:

  • The fierce independence (or appearance of independence) the Ice Queen shows can be off-putting, but also admirable.

  • Ice Queens’s value logic more than displays of emotion, and can be skilled problem-solvers when it comes to practical tasks at work.

  • Their air of formidable fearlessness make them good candidates for leadership positions at work, although coworkers might complain behind their back.

  • When an Ice Queen likes you, she will go out of her way to support you, even if it’s only for a while.

  • Ice Queens remind us of the value of putting our foot down sometimes, and refusing to be another’s doormat.

 

How do I deal with an Ice Queen?

If you find yourself in contact with an Ice Queen, here are some ways to make the experience easier on all involved:

  • Keep relationships at work with an Ice Queen on a professional footing. She doesn’t want inane chit-chat, and will respect your professionalism, even if she doesn’t say so.

  • Ice Queens aren’t fun-lovers, so steer clear with such suggestions, and don’t invite her for coffee over lunch. If you want to be nice, buy the coffee, put it on her desk when she’s there, smile, and walk away (and expect her to leave it until it’s undrinkably cold).

  • Appeal to her sense of logic when you talk to her. She will relate to you on that level.

  • Thank her for her insights in a matter-of-fact way.

  • When you can see past the external exterior of an Ice Queen and recognise her fear of vulnerability, she will try and avoid you like the plague. Don’t run after her saying you understand, unless you want to energise her inner demons.

 

Am I an Ice Queen?

You are an Ice Queen if:

  • Others have told you more than once that you are full yourself, and don’t care about what other people feel and think.

  • You think you are better than anyone else.

  • You become defensive when people show an interest in you, or ask about how you are doing.

  • You think people don’t deserve your friendship, because you are too good for them.

 

How can I stop being an Ice Queen?

Here are some steps to help you melt away your cold exterior:

  • Your negative and defensive stance towards emotions – those of others and your own – is robbing you of the fullness of experience. Simply by acknowledging the presence of emotions in you, and allowing them to be, without analysing or trying to suppress them, is a good, though difficult, step towards feeling better about yourself

  • Everyone is vulnerable in some way. Trying to pretend that you are not, and hiding behind a steely outer facade does not fool anyone. Take risks by showing your vulnerability around those you trust.

  • Your inner loneliness and isolation are self-induced, and can cause much psychological harm. Allow people to be friends with you on their own terms, rather than making demands on them.



Categories: Psychology

Tags: , , , , ,

11 replies

  1. Yes this is deffo me..i need to thaw out in 2014..brill read

  2. Is it possible for an ‘Ice Queen’ to be a male

  3. I’m an ice queen, but not in the same way as this article says. I don’t think I’m better than anyone–in fact, I’m an ice queen due to the fact that I’m shy, insecure and awkward at making conversation. Since I don’t want to fumble and act lame (so sad), I instead cross my arms and stay silent. But people are intimidated by me and tells me I’m snobbish (sigh).

  4. I think I’m an ice queen, my problem is of course an intense fear of humiliation and vulnerability, but I have to recognize that it doesn’t bothers me being this way, I like to be respected, I’d rather be feared than loved because I genuinely do not care about people, plain and simple, if you are not my family or friend you are fair game. Also I’m very sarcastic. The point is, that when it comes to relationships I can’t let my guard down, it makes me very anxious because I don’t want to, but I know i need to, I can’t ask what I can’t give. I’m so full of contradictions, because I often expect to be accepted as I am, since “he is lucky to have me”, but sometimes I feel like I’m the one who is not enough for him.

  5. I think I’m an ice queen, my problem is of course an intense fear of humiliation and vulnerability, but I have to recognize that it doesn’t bothers me being this way, I like to be respected, I’d rather be feared than loved because I genuinely do not care about people, plain and simple, if you are not my family or friend you are fair game. Also I’m very sarcastic. The point is, that when it comes to relationships I can’t let my guard down, it makes me very anxious because I don’t want to, but I know i need to, I can’t ask what I can’t give. I’m so full of contradictions, because I often expect to be accepted as I am, since “he is lucky to have me”, but sometimes I feel like I’m the one who is not enough for him.

  6. I never knew I was an ice queen until one of my friends told me that a boy liked me, but was afraid to talk to me because of my cold exterior. Apparently, everyone at school thinks that I think I’m better than everyone else, stuck up, and that I think that no one’s good enough for me. Please help, what do I do to stop this? The boy is the boy I like, and I have no idea what to do to get him to approach me or talk to me.

  7. I got reading this article due to a multitude of reasons, one is that I reasons was that I have signs myself of this, partly due to PTSD. I was wondering if an abusive homelife would contribute to this? And to clarify no I do not think I came from one, emotionally charged yes, but abusive no.

  8. Hello. I think I am an ice queen. There reason why is i say is, say for instead there is a guy who shows an interest in me and tells me about his feelings and the feelings aren’t mutual I tell him listen I get you but I don’t feel that way about you but thanks I appreciate it.I think I become an ice queen when they start texting constantly asking why is that? Maybe we should hang out more and hey I really like you. When they do this and i get irritated and annoyed and that’s when I’m an ice queen. I ignore their messages and when they wanna see me I make up excuses because I’m simply not interested and I never understand why they can’t just accept that and move on… I need to know, does this make me an ice queen?

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