My Journey – A Creative Self-Review
By Agata Turney,
Person-Centred Counselling Trainee
This tree represents me,
my understanding of my life journey, the battles in me I couldn’t see.
Introjected values versus organismic self,
these were messages and values placed upon me by others and not of self.
But something wasn’t right, I was confused and in denial about the person I wanted to be,
I was raised in an environment of conditional positive regard and not unconditionally.
I only felt worthy if I respected conditions that had been laid by others,
So for me to feel valued and praised I did things to please others,
Denying myself my true happiness, thus living a lie
and not fulfilling my dreams and aspirations, feeling insecure and shy.
Then one day I believe it was meant to be,
Is where my journey began and I could suddenly see.
I found the way to this amazing journey I was about to endure,
but I was shy, and I was frightened, what if I do not know for sure.
Fear I guess, fear of the unknown what seemed to be,
Self-discovery and exploration that was all too scary for me to see.
I was anxious of my peers, would they judge me or make assumptions of me?
I wanted to feel accepted and liked and part of the team, especially.
I put my trust in myself to allow trusting of others and ignoring my fears,
this was a huge risk for me to take, one that wasn’t so clear.
I allowed myself to become open, transparent, and show the real me,
but I was suddenly left unsure, asking myself; do my peers like what they see?
And although this was a huge uncertainty, I had to follow it through and decided that what will be, will be.
Along this very long journey I have discovered something beautiful and true!!
I found myself the meaning of my internal locus of evaluation,
such an elegant word, one that before I wouldn’t have had a clue.
Wow, I never thought saying this could be me,
a brand new word added to my vocabulary,
but so far I love what I have learned and achieved, and have realised what is important to me.
My locus of evaluation was very much external,
through self-discovery and personal therapy,
to me it has become visibly internal.
This has allowed me to make my own decisions and choices in life,
without the influence of other people’s opinions, values and insights.
I have my own values I trust and follow because I know what’s best for me,
Is to become self-loving and free from external stimuli.
I feel that I’ve become that fully functioning person, self-actualising and free from pressures of others.
This allows me to make my own choices in life and be more autonomous around others.
Autonomy is a wonderful thing, it’s the independence and freedom of being what one wants to be, that freedom of choice without the added fears, free from pressures of others including your peers.
This takes me to Authenticity,
it means being real, genuine, sincere and honest.
Congruence, empathy and unconditional positive regard,
these are conditions that have become part of me, ones I used to find hard.
I can now apply these conditions to clients quite naturally,
they truly are powerful; I’ve experienced them in my own therapy.
It allowed me to grow, feel safe, valued, understood and true,
I hope my clients have experienced this too.
More trusting and congruent in myself, with others and being real,
taking ownership of my life, and being able to voice what I feel.
I know the true meaning of this magical word, self-fulfilment comes to mind,
It has taken me to a journey of self-discovery, gentle and kind.
I allowed my internal force to take charge and lead the way,
to take strive and grow where change and healing is not far away.
So this is where my journey so far has taken me…
feels like a new adventure with new beliefs and a brand new me.
Implicit and explicit I’m able to show the real me, who I now am.
I guess this was always on the edge of my awareness, I now know I can.
My actualising tendency has found a way to grow, to strive,
becoming free and self-governing, makes me feel alive.
This is me, I wear my heart on my sleeve and am no longer afraid of what others think or see in me, as I’ve discovered something beautiful, its Autonomy!!
So I love who I’ve become, I’m proud of being me.